You may be thinking “I would love a year apart form my partner, what’s the big deal? Just think of all the amazing things I could get done!”

While this is true (you do get a lot more done), the detriments of being separated from a long term partner are difficult to pinpoint – and therefore evaluate – before you make the move. I had been warned about some of the pitfalls, but it was still surprising what bubbles to the top as most important and what isn’t a big deal. 2.5 weeks was the longest my husband and I have been apart in the 25 (yes, 25) years we’ve been together. Even more barf-worthy is that neither of us have ever lived alone. We moved out together when we were 17, and have been living together ever since.

I remember a few murmurs in the psychology world about absence making communication more meaningful. Does it hold up? Mas o menos, let’s break it down a bit.

biggest surprise

One thing I thought was going to be significant was the sudden lack of technical support. All the electronic systems in the house had historically been set up by my husband, so I haven’t built up years of experience connecting networks and smart lights and sound systems. Frankly, I might be spending more time Googling, but I’m holding up.

biggest challenge

We’re cuddlers. I’ve probably lost some of you at this point – “Are you kidding me? They have been together for 25 years and still cuddle?!? *barf*” – I feel you. The bile is rising a bit in my throat as I write this. Kidding aside, and since I’ve been with my husband for so long, I think I can speak for him here – the lack of regular physical contact is one of the most challenging aspects of being apart. I’m sure this is because there is really no electronic substitute for warm, human, skin-to-skin contact. Until virtual reality gets extremely sophisticated, a plane ticket will have to suffice.

biggest up-side

When you are in a long-term relationship, you naturally fall into tasks that fall to your strengths. I’ve always been a bit miffed that our strengths fall along the stereotypical gender lines – I love to cook and that’s not going to change. Being apart proves that I could live on my own and handle all the things that I defer on a daily basis. It’s not just configuring electronic systems, I now know I am a fully functioning adult.